In this month’s Ask a Therapist, we’re joined by The Expansive Group therapist and coach Velvet Divine, LAC (she/her), who will help us find ways to express our grief and anger. Please note that the responses on our blog segment “Ask A Therapist” are not therapy, medical advice, or crisis management.

‍Let’s start off with a reminder: You’ve got an entire nervous system within you that’s responding to the devastating realities of global violence. Some of us may feel many layers of emotions that come and go as the weeks (and years…and decades…) pass by. This can feel even more intense depending on our family’s generational experience with colonization and violence.

At this point, our nervous systems are raw, making us feel on edge and angry.

We may ask ourselves: How do we deal with such intense feelings, especially when we’re living in a world that often discourages the expression of rage?

Rage exists alongside other emotions.

One of the first steps to navigating your feelings is to recognize that rage rarely exists in isolation. Velvet shares that rage is accompanied by other emotions, like disappointment, fear, and grief. She most often sees grief as a huge companion to rage. There’s grief for the victims of pain and injustice. Grief for the systems that allow harm to persist. And grief for ourselves, for having to live in a world where such injustices occur.

These emotions are heavy. It’s okay to feel the weight of them, especially when we have an outlet that supports us while we’re feeling deeply. Honoring these feelings—whether through reflection, journaling, or simply naming them—can be a powerful step toward processing your rage.

A lot of us have been taught to silence our rage.

Velvet reminds us that our identities and upbringings can impact how comfortable we feel expressing rage.

Rage is an emotion that’s often misunderstood. Rage isn’t simply being mad. It’s an emotional response that signals a deep sense of injustice or violation. But because of societal norms, many of us are conditioned to silence or minimize our rage.

To feel more safe, a person may censor their rage. If you’re part of a vulnerable population or live in an environment that punishes dissent, expressing rage can feel dangerous. For others, censoring their rage can stem from growing up in a household or culture that discouraged expressive emotions like anger. This may have left them to internalize the belief that rage is something to hide.

The truth is: suppressing rage doesn’t make it go away. Instead, it can create mental and physical complications, like anxiety, irritability, and even autoimmune disorders. When we silence our rage, we also silence the underlying message it’s trying to convey—that something isn’t right, and we deeply care about changing it.

There are lots of ways to express rage.

While we know that expressing rage is crucial, you may wonder how can we express it? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. What works for one person might not work for another.

Here are some of Velvet’s recommendations:

• Kinetic Expression: Sometimes, we need to let our bodies lead the way. Channeling your rage into physical activity can be incredibly cathartic. Try: running, walking, dancing, stretching, or lifting weights
• Creative Expression: Art has long been a tool for processing and expressing intense emotions. Rage is no exception. You might: write, paint, draw, sing, listen to music, and make collages
• Communal Expression: Rage often feels isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Joining with others who share your feelings can transform individual anger into collective action. Consider: Attending a protest or rally, organizing/attending a community discussion or support group, and donating time or resources to a mutual aid group

And, of course, all three of these expressions can be combined together!

For more inspiration, here are some creators who express rage through art:

• @gendersauce: poet who focuses on themes of liberation and queerness
• @themayorofnegropolis: a collage artist with cathartic imagery
• @lanalubany: a singer-songwriter whose music honors her Palestinian roots
• @nurjahanboulden: a belly dancer who uses movement as an outlet for anger
• @britchida: a visual artist whose work speaks about emotions and mental health

Here are some groups that center communal support:

• @mutualaiddisasterrelief: a mutual aid group
• @wokekindergarden: anti-oppressive early education
• @bipocdeathgrieftalk: collective care group that supports BIPOC folks through grief and loss

You can start with small actions.

If you’ve been taught to hide your anger, expressing it can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. You can start small. Try journaling or speaking your feelings aloud to yourself (Have you tried ranting into a Voice Memo…then deleting it or sending it to a friend? Highly recommend). Give yourself permission to feel rage without judgment—there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad and angry.

It’s also okay to live within boundaries and limits, if that feels more comfortable for you. If you’re in an environment where it’s not safe to express rage outwardly, find quieter ways to honor it. Even private acts, like meditation, listening to music, and writing, can help you process and release your feelings.

Rage is a call to care.

At its core, rage is about care. We rage because we care about justice. We rage because we care about people. And we rage because we refuse to accept violence as normal. When the world feels overwhelming, remember this: your rage is allowed, and it’s powerful. You can let it guide you toward action, healing, and connection—with yourself and with others. Take your time. Honor your feelings. And know that you are not alone in this. And remember to take care of yourself too. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. We’ve got an article about balancing activism, well-being, and relationships that you may find helpful.

*deep breaths*

We’ve got therapeutic support for you.

You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone. Our queer-informed, anti-oppressive therapists can provide the tools and space to process your feelings, navigate life amongst chaos, and develop strategies for integrating care into your life in a way that feels safe and empowering.

You can connect with one of our therapists or coaches using our intake form. We offer individual and relationship support. In addition, check back regularly for support group openings where you can be in community while healing. All of our offerings are anti-oppressive, affirming of neurodiversity, queer-centered, and supportive of trans identities.

‍Have questions for a therapist? Want to see it answered in our Ask A Therapist column? Submit your question here!